On Body Shaming

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Body shaming is defined as inappropriate negative statements and attitutes toward another person’s weight or size.  Most of the time people assume only fat people are body shamed but it is not so. I was a victim for many of this unfortunately, I did not even know that body shame was the definition until early this year .  Where I come from, if you are not looking like a mesomorph then something is wrong with you. I have been slim all my life. The truth was that I was even body shamed from home. As I was the only very slim child as my siblings bigger in stature and weight. So my parents will be like “Eva you are not eating well, try and eat more to add more flesh. Don’t go out you look thin, wait until you add weight. Eva you need to eat can’t you see your Junior sister is getting bigger than you?”  As in seriously….. I built a wall around myself. If I was not there in the body department at least, I can compensate myself in the brain department and that was why I did. Still I felt that pain of unacceptance because I thought my identity was how I looked. Even if someone told me I was beautiful I didn’t believe it cause I didn’t see myself as beautiful. My dating life suffered. The truth is that to get the right person, you have to be the right person. You can only attract your type.

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In college, I was so shy because of what I thought others might think or say. My turning point came with my last break up. I just sat down thinking. I don’t want to end my life with this guy who was been critical of me. I realized it was me.  I then wanted a change. In short I was done with been critical of myself. I needed a clean break. I began to see myself as beautiful. I began to celebrate my strength and enjoy life.

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Everybody cannot be a particular body type. Variety is what makes life beautiful. 

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My story continues………I’m alive. I’m living.

I Will Tell You All About It When I See You Again

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I don’t know where to start from but I am gonna begin from somewhere.  My heart is broken. Finally it has dawned on me that you are gone.  Since July you fell ill.  I never envisaged that the ailment would take you away from us.  You were an enigma.  I never understood you but I loved you all the same.  You always had a witty sense of humor at the back of your lips ready to be dolled out depending on the situation at hand.  You fought sk many many battles had so many disappointments but you still wore a smile gracefully.  You never voiced out what you were thinking.  It just showed in your face that you were a very thoughtful person.  I do not understand your relationship with my mum.  It was complicated to we the kids as work seperated you two but you still found a way to keep the relationship even though distance took its toll on the marriage.  This is the first time I will come home and not taking Palmwine. That was the “welcome home” drink.  No one to stand at the gate to welcome me home. I only came home to find your potrait on the wall with a condolence register infront of it. I am heart broken.

Daddy so you are gone. No one to understand me even without speaking. Home is not what it is anymore.  Home was where my Daddy was but now, Daddy is gone.
I will always cherish the years I spent with you being my daddy. There is so much to say but I will tell you all about it when I see you again.

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The Four Categories of People According to Their Heart: The Parable of the Sower

Matt 13:3-9
3 Then He spoke many things to them in parables, saying: “Behold, a sower went out to sow. 4 And as he sowed, some seed fell by the wayside; and the birds came and devoured them. 5 Some fell on stony places, where they did not have much earth; and they immediately sprang up because they had no depth of earth. 6 But when the sun was up they were scorched, and because they had no root they withered away. 7 And some fell among thorns, and the thorns sprang up and choked them. 8 But others fell on good ground and yielded a crop: some a hundredfold, some sixty, some thirty. 9 He who has ears to hear, let him hear!” NKJV

18 “Therefore hear the parable of the sower: 19 When anyone hears the word of the kingdom, and does not understand it, then the wicked one comes and snatches away what was sown in his heart. This is he who received seed by the wayside. 20 But he who received the seed on stony places, this is he who hears the word and immediately receives it with joy; 21 yet he has no root in himself, but endures only for a while. For when tribulation or persecution arises because of the word, immediately he stumbles. 22 Now he who received seed among the thorns is he who hears the word, and the cares of this world and the deceitfulness of riches choke the word, and he becomes unfruitful. 23 But he who received seed on the good ground is he who hears the word and understands it, who indeed bears fruit and produces: some a hundredfold, some sixty, some thirty.”
NKJV
It shows to say that every word one speaks to us is a seed and the type of land it is sown into, is the state of the heart. Whether good or bad word it is still a seed. This parable is particularly talking of the word of God as seed.
the point is that one is in one of this categories if you are honest to yourself. There are only two people who really know who you are. You and your creator. The ground which the sower sowed is the heart of man. How the heart received the word is the state of receptiveness of the heart to the word.
The first one doesn’t even understand what the word is. When he hears it, he doesn’t even want to hear another word. In fact, it may even annoy him. According to the word, this is the one who received seed by the wayside. The second category of person, he actually does receive the word sooner or later persecutions and tribulation arises and because he doesn’t have much depth in the word, he falls. He thus blames God for his predicament. He could even fall away from the truth at this point or better still use this to learn from the situations and become stronger. I will go back to that later. The third person, he knows the word, but he didn’t commit himself fully to it. when you want the word to work in you, you have to surrender your heart totally to it. it is not half-half. You are either in, or out. God doesn’t tolerate Luke warmness. Thus he doesn’t flourish because the world and the word cannot go hand in hand. You must give in to one. the fourth one, hears the word, receives it in his heart and bears more fruit. The point is at at a certain time in our lives, we have either being the first, second, third before even getting to the fourth if you are there already. The fourth person really has got to purge himself of the cares of this world and  trust God in trials and tribulations
The third category of person I said I would go back to. Let’s take for example peter. When Jesus was arrested, Jesus told him that he would deny him three times before the cock crowed of which he denied. He did deny Jesus in fear. Mark 14:66-72; Luke 22:54-62; John 18:15-18,25-27) He stumbled at that time and thank God he got back on his feet and today he is one of the pillars of the gospel of Christ. The point is know which one you are and find yourself today in Christ.
It shows to say that every word one speaks to us is a seed and the type of land it is sown into, is the state of the heart. Whether good or bad word it is still a seed. This parable is particularly talking of the word of God as seed.

The Parable of the Ten Virgins

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This morning, I read and meditated on the parable of the ten virgins. For years I never really understood it till now.
Matt 25:1-13
“1Then shall the kingdom of heaven be likened unto ten virgins, which took their lamps, and went forth to meet the bridegroom.
2 And five of them were wise, and five were foolish.
3 They that were foolish took their lamps, and took no oil with them:
4 But the wise took oil in their vessels with their lamps.
5 While the bridegroom tarried, they all slumbered and slept.
6 And at midnight there was a cry made, Behold, the bridegroom cometh; go ye out to meet him.
7 Then all those virgins arose, and trimmed their lamps.
8 And the foolish said unto the wise, Give us of your oil; for our lamps are gone out.
9 But the wise answered, saying, Not so; lest there be not enough for us and you: but go ye rather to them that sell, and buy for yourselves.
10 And while they went to buy, the bridegroom came; and they that were ready went in with him to the marriage: and the door was shut.
11 Afterward came also the other virgins, saying, Lord, Lord, open to us.
12 But he answered and said, Verily I say unto you, I know you not.
13 Watch therefore, for ye know neither the day nor the hour wherein the Son of man cometh.”

I pondered on the parable and the Holy Spirit revealed it to me. The lamp is the word of God. According to the bible in Ps 119:105 “Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path.” KJV.
Also Prov 6:23 “ For the commandment is a lamp; and the law is light; and reproofs of instruction are the way of life:”
The oil is the Holy Spirit
Then Samuel took the horn of oil, and anointed him in the midst of his brethren: and the Spirit of the Lord came upon David from that day forward. So Samuel rose up, and went to Ramah. (1 Sam 16:13)

In whom ye also trusted, after that ye heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation: in whom also after that ye believed, ye were sealed with that Holy Spirit of promise, (Eph 1:13)
“And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God [do not offend or vex or sadden Him], by Whom you were sealed (marked, branded as God’s own, secured) for the day of redemption (of final deliverance through Christ from evil and the consequences of sin). “Eph 4:30 AMP
You may think why didn’t the virgins at least share with the other five, they could at least shared with one. The point is no one can share the Holy Spirit. He is not transferable from person to person. He is imparted on one and you must be willing to receive him. There is no shortcut either to having the Holy Spirit dwell inside of you. When you become born again, you have the Holy Spirit in you as a seal Eph 1:13. Being born again, doesn’t just end there. You have to work out your salvation-Phillipians 2:12.
Nobody stays full of the Spirit all the time—no one is always totally joyful and submissive to God and empowered for service. But this should still be our aim, our goal, our great longing. “As a hart pants for the flowing streams, so my soul pants for you, O God. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God” (Psalm 42:1, 2). But in order to slake that thirst, we must fight the fight of faith. We must preach to our souls a sermon of hope:

Why are you downcast, O my soul, and why are you disquieted within me? Hope in God. For I shall again praise him. He is my help and my God. (Psalm 42:5, 11; 43:5)

We must set before our own soul the banquet of promises that God has made to us and feed our faith to the full. Then it may be said of us as it was of Stephen and Barnabas: “They were filled with faith and with the Holy Spirit.”

Life More Abundantly

Ever been to a place in your life where you realize that who you are, what you do, your position in life is just not enough? Dissatisfaction, disillusionment sets it. You know it in your heart that there is something more than this. You cannot figure out what but deep down, you just know it. since you cannot just comprehend it? you look for it in different places. a relationship, buy an expensive, travel round the world, perhaps even change your sex but still on the inside you just know that you haven’t found what you are looking for. Years ago, West life released a song of that nature. This is the lyrics Everybody’s looking for that something
One thing that makes it all complete
You’ll find it in the strangest places
Places you never knew it could be

Some find it in the face of their children
Some find it in their lover’s eyes
Who can deny the joy it brings
When you’ve found that special thing
You’re flying without wings

Some find it sharing every morning
Some in their solitary nights
You’ll find it in the words of others
A simple line can make you laugh or cry

You’ll find it in the deepest friendship
The kind you cherish all your life
And when you know how much that means
You’ve found that special thing
You’re flying without wings

So impossible as they may seem
You’ve got to fight for every dream
‘Cause who’s to know which one you let go
Would have made you complete

Well, for me it’s waking up beside you
To watch the sunrise on your face
To know that I can say I love you
At any given time or place

It’s little things that only I know
Those are the things that make you mine
And it’s like flying without wings
‘Cause you’re my special thing
I’m flying without wings

And you’re the place my life begins
And you’ll be where it ends

I’m flying without wings
And that’s the joy you bring
I’m flying without wings
I found mine in Christ last year. I went about searching for what would make me whole after the dissatisfaction and disillusionment I felt and trust me, I was wounded in my search. But at the end, I am the better for it.
He said in his word that ” …My purpose is to give them a rich and satisfying life John 10:10”. The point is
That we can only be complete in him. The one who created the universe said so in Colossians 2:10. One will keep on searching and searching until you reach the point that you want to settle or you just come to the conclusion that life is just what it is. Which isn’t so. And ye are complete in him, which is the head of all principality and power: Eccl 3:11
He has made everything beautiful in its time. He also has planted eternity in men’s hearts and minds [a divinely implanted sense of a purpose working through the ages which nothing under the sun but God alone can satisfy], yet so that men cannot find out what God has done from the beginning to the end. AMP
How then does one get to know him? You just ask him into your life. It is that simple. You can start like this .
Lord Jesus, I want to know you. You said that you came that I might have life more abundantly.
I want to have that life which you said I would. So I ask you to come into my life. Thank you .
In Jesus Name. Amen

Should Same Sex High Schools Still Be Allowed?

As it is, I’m pissed. What I heard today. It was scary and at the same time so annoying. One of my younger relatives came home for the Easter break and told me that he was almost raped by his senior. He attends an all boys school. He is so scared to tell his parents as they want to change him to another school which is an all boys school again. That’s not the point anyway. The point is what is the reason for a same sex school anyway. Homosexuality in this part is not a new thing. Though it has always been a silent case that has always been swept under the carpet. Perhaps same sex schools was better in the days when you didn’t know there was no social media or the internet to bombard ones curiousity and arouse what one didn’t know could be awoken. I attended an all girls school back then. Let me add I was a late starter. I didn’t know about boys till after high school. To even talk to them in my fresh year in college was a problem. It was that bad. I have lovely memories too. You can be very mischevious and naugty without having anyone think of you as a bitch. Lol. That was then. The world has changed now. For starters we have much more frequent solar eclipse than we use to.

I think mixed schools are much preferable in this age. Children should be allowed to have a choice in their sexual orientation not being forced and later in life they can’t understand why they chose what they did. They should also be protected of their innocence as long as you can help them.

Reflections on 2014

Nine days more and it is over. 2014 will be gone only to exist in the memory of those who saw it. Every moment is an experience one way or the other. I had some defining moments for me this year. I hurt, I grew, I learnt and I am still learning. One of the most defining moment for me as when I decided to stop thinking about what everyone might think of me and just live my life.
Forgive those who have hurt me and reconcile with those I have hurt. I decided to live in love. Though it is not easy but with God all things are possible. The truth I realized that you cannot stop people from behaving the way they do but you can change your attitude. It is not compulsory to be in a friendship or relationship when the other party doesnt need you. It is painful most especially when you love the person. But loving someone does not mean you should allow someone to toss your emotions here and there and then leave you as an emotional casualty. The bible says we should love as we love ourselves. It all starts from you. I became close to God this year. It was him who stabilized me. I was a wreck before then.

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I am still in the journey. I stumble but I will rather be moving forward and learning than being afraid to do anything because I don’t want to make mistakes.